


Leap Of Faith

by ImpishFics



Series: Trust Fall [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Almost Drowning, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Cheating, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Reckless Behavior, Self-Doubt, self destructive behavior, swimming! :D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 10:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23849800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpishFics/pseuds/ImpishFics
Summary: He hears rustling behind him, someone pushing their way through the trees calling his name, it's a question. He wipes his hands off on his jeans one last time.Renjun doesn't swim, Renjun also doesn't jump off the rope swing, but until tonight Renjun thought he didn't get cheated on either.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Series: Trust Fall [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722658
Comments: 21
Kudos: 97





	Leap Of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> PSA [CONTRIBUTE PLEASE BLM](https://moreblminfo.carrd.co/)
> 
> This was written in a haze and not beta read at all.

The lake isn’t still, it’s alive, more alive than any one person Renjun’s met. It stirs with the passing boats farther out, and in the summer when people gather in the small pockets of sand and water cutting into the woods and float and swim and drink cheap beer the lake takes their energy, snatches their warmth and gives back something colder something calming and true. The lake can't be conned, it can’t be tricked or persuaded, it lives to remain a constant, which isn’t to say it’s predictable - it’s not, but it is always the lake.

Renjun can swim, its a rumor that he can't. He can swim just fine, he just can’t tread water. If he falls in he can swim to shore, in gym class he could have swum the laps with the other kids but his asthma and a doctor’s visit got him excused from the unit easily. Renjun doesn’t want to learn to tread water, he’s fine floating in a tube, or lounging on a shore, and everyone has to wear life vests when they go tubing anyway. Not that he gets in the water, but he likes the boat, likes when Jeno will scoot over on the seat and let him steer. Steering a boat is so much more fun than steering his mom’s Ford Escape.

The lake stretches out in front of him, in the distance there's boats, lights strung across the deck, laughter carries across the water, to mock him. Behind him, up the curving, leaf ridden, hap hazard path, there's a party going on, that too mocks him. The swell of the bass, the cheering voices, the din of feet on the wooden makeshift dance floor. Renjun wont go back.

He sticks his finger tips in the water, it's still cold. Half way through May it hasn't had the chance, waiting for the long summer days to heat up yet. It nips with cold teeth at his fingers, but it's bearable. He removes his hands, his fingers glisten in the low light reflecting off the water, he shakes the water off his fingers and wipe them on his jeans. It's warmer out now, enough for his friends to wear cut-offs and shirts with no sleeves, but Renjun's always cold.

He walks back up the steep hill of the half-sand half-dirt shore, the lake really is so beautiful at night. He wraps the thick rope of the swing around his hand, and then undo's it, that's a good way to break an arm. He's never done it before, never tried the rope swing, but he watched Donghyuck's cousin tear something in his arm when he tried to jump off and his arm stayed stuck. He's never tried to rope swing because he doesn't like water, doesn't like swimming, would rather do anything else, than stupidly put himself at risk with an ancient swing attached to a big drooping tree. He grabs it normally, two hands on top of each other.

He hears rustling behind him, someone pushing their way through the trees calling his name, it's a question. He wipes his hands off on his jeans one last time.

Renjun doesn't swim, Renjun also doesn't jump off the rope swing, but until tonight Renjun thought he didn't get cheated on either.

He squeezes his hands tight around the rope, takes a deep breath, walks it up the few more steps it will stretch, getting it's full range. The rustling is getting closer, Renjun takes another breath, closes his eyes and opens them again. The lake is alive, and Renjun's never trusted it. He jumps, his feet leave the ground and scramble onto the little disk, his legs wrap around the rope tight. He can't help screaming.

Time slows down. His stomach swoops, pushing up and back with the momentum, the wind stings his face and sends his stomach into hiding in his lungs, but he doesn't close his eyes. He wants to close his eyes but he doesn't. The lowest point in the swing is approaching, someone bursts through the path behind him. Renjun lets the lowest point pass. He screams louder, he won't look back, the water is an inky veil below him, waiting for him to crash through. The peak comes and Renjun doesn't just let go, he closes his eyes and pushes off, backward his back to the boats, his front facing where he came.

Just for a moment, time stills, Renjun looks backward. Jaemin is there, he recognizes his dumb shorts, at this distance Renjun can't quite see his face. He opens his mouth in what Renjun knows will be his name. He doesn't hear it.

He could learn how to tread water, if he wasn't so scared of being weak in front of someone else, if he wasn't so scared of failing, if he wasn't so scared of letting the lake trick him. The lake can't be conned, but Renjun can. Renjun hits the water hard.

Just a bit ago-

Renjun wishes Jeno brought a jacket, because then Renjun could take it, but Jeno isn't cold. It seems like no one is cold but Renjun tonight. He leaves his conversation with Mark after Mark gets distracted making drinks, he is one of those people that can't do two things at once, even if he says he can. Renjun wanders toward the balcony and is settled with a strange sense of nostalgia for this, all the kids he went to high school with him, everyone from the neighborhood gathered into one big house, partying and laughing and smoking and being loud and each full of memories that tickle Renjun's unconscious. He misses this even though he's experiencing it now, a part of it.

He wonders where Donghyuck is, he's slippery at these parties, and even though he's seen him recently in a different setting Renjun wants to party with Hyuck, this might be the last one of the year before they all head off to college. Him and Jeno and Jaemin west and Hyuck and Mark north, their other friends blowing other directions across the country.

He wanders into the basement but he doesn't find him there, only another drink, that he takes. He wanders to Jeno's upper floor, he passes a couple making out against the locked door to a guest room and gives them a wide berth. He goes further, if Donghyuck's anywhere on the third floor, he's taking a breather in Jeno's room. He knows where the hidden key is kept, they all do, all of their little tighter friend group. Renjun wouldn't mind a breather, someone to share his drink with.

And he's right, when he pushes open the door to Jeno's big half floor room, Donghyuck is in there, but he's not alone, and he's certainly not taking a breather. If anything he's taking the opposite of a breather, gagging himself on Jeno's dick as he blows him on Jeno's big bed. Jeno's big queen bed with oversized stuffed bear in the corner, with the weird lump in the middle, and the too soft sheets. Renjun knows because he gave him that bear, because he's had to avoid that lump while sleeping, because he's been fucked on those sheets.

Donghyuck is bobbing his head at an impressive rate and surely his fingers are doing something but Renjun isn't looking at Donghyuck. His eyes can't leave Jeno, his head tilted back in pleasure, his face flushed beautifully from the alcohol and pleasure, his big hands on the back of Donghyuck's head, lovingly, possessively, his boyfriend looks beautiful, clearly enjoying himself. He grunts and opens his mouth, "Fuck, Hyuckie, Fuck," he says is reverently, like he's witnessing a wonder of the world. "How are you so good at this," he's babbling something he does when he's incredibly turned on, Renjun _knows,_ "So fucking perfect for me."

And that snaps him out of it.

-

The cold shocks his body rigid, just for a moment, for a moment he sinks, he sinks and he sinks, his shoes are weighing him down, FUCK why didn't he take of his shoes? _because you didn't think_ his brain replies. Renjun ignores it and fights to the surface. He emerges desperately clawing at the air, kicking his legs but it's taxing, he doesn't know how to tread water.

"Renjun!" Jaemin calls from the shore, he's taking off his shoes, stripping his shirt and wading in.

Renjun is momentarily swallowed by the water again but he emerges in time to yell at him. "Go Away!" Jaemin doesn't listen, diving as soon as he can quickly gaining on Renjun with front crawl. Renjun takes off one shoe, and then the other, fights back up to the surface, and orients himself faster this time, spotting Jaemin easily. He's switched to breaststroke, coming slowly, like one might approach a frightened animal, his eyes don't leave Renjun. Renjun throws his shoe at him.

"What the fuck." Jaemin bats it away and then snatches it from the water throwing it back to the shore. Fuck his sport arms for actually making it.

"Fuck Off!" Renjun says, he swims farther out, there's a floating dock about fifty feet away Renjun can go there.

"Renjun I-"

"Shut up!" Renjun throws his other shoe at him, but this time Jaemin is ready, he catches it, and throws back to shore with it's match.

Renjun doesn't want to turn his back to Jaemin, so he sort of jelly fishes backwards slowly in the direction of the platform. Breathing is so hard, with the water all around him, his clothes weighing him down. He doesn't want to talk to Jaemin, doesn't want to talk to anyone, not Mark, his best friend, not Donghyuck, certainly not Jeno, definitely not Jeno's best friend Jaemin.

"You shouldn't be alone right now!" He says it calmly, he isn't even out of breath, Renjun tries to respond but only succeeds in accidentally swallowing more lake water and choking on it. He spits it out in wet heaves, he's so cold, and his body is so heavy and breathing isn't getting any easier. He's panicking but he doesn't want Jaemin to get any closer, the same old fears rear their ugly heads. Weak, Renjun feels weak and he hates it.

Jaemin gets closer, Renjun goes under, he whips off his shirt and comes back up, gasping wetly, Jaemin is only two arm lengths away. Renjun throws his shirt at him.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" The shirt hits Jaemin with a wet smack to his tan chest. Jaemin throws that too towards the shore. Unlike the shoes Renjun hears the splash of the shirt hitting the water. Jaemin stays where he is, treading water.

Renjun tries to as well, but he _can't;_ he thrashes his feet wildly and waves his arms in the water but they cut through uselessly, it's exhausting. He wants to stand his ground, he wants to be stronger than this, or at least as strong as Jaemin. Strong enough to weather the lake. He wishes he was strong enough to trust. Instead he's just weak enough to give up.

He stops flailing his arms, he stops thrashing his legs and he falls through the water like it's air, all his limbs are heavy.

He's not trying to die. He knew he would say his name, just like he knows this is coming. When Renjun gives up Jaemin's strong arms pull him out and up, and gather him into his warm chest. Jaemin is at least panting now too.

Renjun doesn't fight it, he clings tighter, grappling onto Jaemin, clutches his back, holds himself tight to his body sobbing into his neck. He didn’t realize he's been crying this whole time. Jaemin holds him tight, and keeps kicking his legs out. For once he doesn't speak.

Renjun feels small and weak against his chest, he feels conned, by everything. By Jeno. By the lake. He expects to be hit by a wave of disgust at himself for needing him, for being so weak in front of him, but it doesn't hit. There's no more room in his chest for new turmoil, so instead he just clings to him, where he's warm and solid in the inky cool water.

Jaemin stops moving forward, Renjun digs more into Jaemin's shoulder clinging tighter, it must be painful at this point but he doesn't mention it. One arm leaves Renjun’s back and Renjun instantly misses its warmth. It’s just to grab onto the ladder, they've reached the platform, Renjun doesn't let go, Jaemin doesn't make him, just holds on.

"I've never seen you swim before tonight." Renjun laughs wetly into his warm neck.

"Does this count as swimming?" Jaemin doesn't laugh.

"It's more than I've seen before. Brave of you to do the rope swing. Stupid too." Renjun doesn't say anything, only clings tighter, and lets out another sob.

"I really trusted him."

There's hurt in Jaemin's voice too when he responds, "I know you did."

"Did you know?" it's a whisper, it doesn't have to be anything more than that when Renjun is so close, wet chest to wet chest in the freezing water.

"I suspected. When I saw you leave I guessed where you were and confirmed it for myself."

"I didn't even suspect. I feel like," Renjun half laughs half sobs against the long column of Jaemin's neck, "I feel like such an idiot."

"You are not an idiot."

"I almost drowned."

"You are not an idiot for trusting your boyfriend." Jaemin corrects. Then he adds, “Did you love him?” It makes Renjun pause. Did he love him? 

“I think so. But I think I trusted him more. He was steady and consistent,” not unlike the lake, Renjun thinks, “ I knew him, I felt like I knew every inch of him. He said he loved me and I trusted him.” 

“But did you tell him you loved him? Did you mean it?” Jaemin insists, it feels sharp and heavy. 

“I trusted him.” He repeats, tries to put everything that means to Renjun in each of the words, tries to make Jaemin understand what that means to him. He’s not sure he succeeds. He relaxes a little, no longer clutching so tight so he can grab onto the ladder and heaves himself onto the little floating dock. He brings his knees to his chest, his regular comfort position, but that sort of makes it hard to breathe, and he doesn’t need anymore of that. He crosses his legs, they are heavy in his soaking jeans, and slouches. He watches the water as Jaemin climbs the ladder to join him. Tears are still streaking down his face but he no longer feels like sobbing, like he’s cracking apart. Instead he’s just so, so incredibly tired. And hungry. 

Jaemin sits right next to him, and puts a warm hand on his back, chasing away some of the chill. 

“Why did you chase after me? Because it was the right thing to do?” Jaemin laughs.

“No. I mean, it was the right thing to do, but that's not why I did it. I care about you. I may be Jeno’s best friend,” Jaemin looks at Renjun and it’s the first time all night he gets a good look at Jaemin’s face, “but I _care_ about you.” Renjun feels all of the weight in that, but surprisingly it doesn’t scare him. Jaemin’s eyes reflect the lights that dance on the water, lighting up for Renjun.

“Thanks I guess.” That makes Jaemin laugh, at least partially in disbelief, his big mouth cracks open in a half smile that feels familiar to Renjun. Renjun laughs with him, but he doesn’t say thank you for real. 

“So what next?” Renjun heaves a breath, it still feels wet. 

“Well I guess I’ll break up with Jeno. But not right now. I don’t wanna be a mess when I do it.” Jaemin doesn’t comment immediately, Renjun’s scared he might argue.

“So what now? Right now?” Renjun thinks. Right now. 

“Wanna get McDonalds?” Jaemin smiles, for real, not his biggest smile, but maybe his most genuine. 

**Author's Note:**

> PSA [CONTRIBUTE PLEASE BLM](https://moreblminfo.carrd.co/)
> 
> Orville Peck was really hitting what can I say.  
> [Twitter(minors DNI)](https://twitter.com/translixie)  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/translixie)
> 
> I love Jeno so much I swear.


End file.
